The I.I.U. Test

 I.I.U. is pronounced (Eeeww).

What is this IIU that I speak of? It’s really quite simple. It’s an acronym that is short on definition but extremely potent in practice. Wouldn’t you like to have potent practice in your arsenal when it comes to the challenges of marriage? I did and that’s why I constructed the IIU test.

I define IIU as this:




Pretty simple huh? This test is used in conjunction with an assessment of your marriage. When you take inventory of your problems and you consider behaviors that are present in your marriage, you have to apply the test and ask yourself “Is It Useful” to my marriage? In order for the test to yield the best results, you must have an accurate reference point. That something is the Vision and Framework for your marriage. Let’s look at an example.

So let’s apply the IIU test to a few scenarios and I will let you guess the answer.

  1. I want better communication with my spouse, but I shut down and internalize every time we disagree. IIU?
  2. I want our marriage to have Trust, but I micromanage all facets of the relationship and harshly critique methods that aren’t my own. IIU?
  3. I want my spouse to feel appreciated, but I never ask them what they feel is the best way I just buy them something cool and assume its sufficient. IIU?
  4. I want to have a more intimacy with my spouse, but I watch reality shows in the bed while he manages his fantasy league just inches away. IIU?
  5. I want honesty in our marriage but I never say anything that will hurt their feelings. IIU?

Do you get the point? You can NOT have it both ways. If you want an incredible marriage then you guys as a couple have to examine your patterns and then lay a template of what you want your marriage to be on top of that and anything that doesn’t fall inside the footprint has to go or be adjusted. It’s not hard to do. The only difficulty is changing your mindset to one that lends itself to maintaining a healthy marriage. You can’t fit ten pounds of sugar into an eight-pound bag. No matter how you pour it.

You deserve a marriage that is a safe place for both of you. The problem is that it won’t happen on its own. Apply the IIU test and see what happens. Love well.

It’s the New I Do…

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